Memories and Friendship

Me and a few old friends - June 2018 - SAHS Class of '83 reunion

Time is an odd thing. At various stages of life we view time differently. As a small child 35 years seems like an eternity, while someone in their early 50s might consider it a blur that has quickly passed. Also, after many years, just the mere mention of an event or a song from the past can almost transport us back in time. What an awesome gift from God is our capacity to store up memories!

This past weekend I attended the 35th reunion of my high school graduating class. It was two days filled with many laughs and lots of memories. I reconnected with old friends, some I had not seen in decades. We exchanged stories about life and relived experiences from years ago. We looked through a dusty yearbook and remembered the time before careers, kids, and the need for hair color. There were fond inquiries about the ones who were absent. They were part of our stories, but sadly, they will not be included in these new memories.

It was a good time and I'm thankful for the opportunity to be present with old friends. I'm aware that at times life gets in the way of such things, unfortunately. I'm also grateful for modern technology that allows me to easily capture such moments. I want to take more pictures!

While in my hometown for the weekend I walked down Main Street with my grandson. He's eight years old and such a neat little guy. When I was his age that place seemed so big and much more exciting. I realize that I have grown up and have a new perspective. The events of life have colored that perspective. And all of it, the joyful and the hard are part of the story. Strolling past old store fronts, some now vacant, I couldn't help remember some events from my childhood. And now I'm wondering what sort of memories my little guy will have as he grows up. What will shape him? In an interesting twist, he's attending the same elementary school that I attended (Go Central Buffalos!) and lives on the same road I did for the first 21 years of my life!

Selfie with the Kid!

Some of the friends I met at Central Elementary were gathered with me over the weekend. I hope my grandson is developing good and lasting friendships too. It is these sorts of people that have had an enduring impact on who I am today. I don't want to forget them or take them for granted. They are more than just part of my memories, they are part of my story.

Destruction of Disconnection

I'm weary. I'm on overload from the current news cycle. Just when I thought it was safe to log onto "the Facebook" I get bombarded with stuff. I get sucked in and suddenly I'm irritated, unsettled and empty. I was just hoping to connect with my "friends."

An issue that is underneath so much of the mess that is filling up your news feed: Disconnection

Technology, which ironically provides the platform for this article, has "connected" us in some fascinating ways. At the same time, it has destroyed genuine, personal, face-to-face life. Various forms of media draw us into a world that is not actually ours.

We don't look into the faces of our friends in the same way we once did. We stare at screens and buy the illusion that we are truly engaging with others. We talk at one another electronically, instead of talking with one another empathetically. These devices are holding our relationships hostage and robbing us of joy.

What can we do? Rant more frequently on social media OR risk authentic connection with other human beings? I know what I need. I know what feeds my soul.

So here here are a few very simple suggestions:

1. Instead of texting someone, actually dial the phone and speak. I realize its still electronic, but you will hear the voice of a live person. Baby steps, right?!

2. When you go to the bank, post office or fast food place, avoid the drive through. Forsake convenience in favor of personal interaction. Take a moment to inquire about the individual on the other side of the counter, really listen to them and smile. Smiles are free!

3. Turn off the TV, walk across the street and visit with your neighbors. Check in to see how they are getting along. Sit on the porch. Ask about the kids or the grand kids. Make a plan to have them over for dinner or take in a local event together. Connect with the people who actually live closest to you. If you go with cookies or a cake, even better. Do this regularly.

4. Eat at least one meal each day with family or friends, around an actual table. While you are eating, talk about real life, your life, not the lives of people on TV you will never even meet. (But don't talk with your mouth full.) Share your stories, your joys and struggles. Laugh. Cry. Hug. Hugs are free too!

5. Make it a point to meet with others face to face weekly. Lunch or coffee, at the park or in your home. Be intentional about scheduling these in-person visits. It won't happen by accident. Don't talk about sports or the weather. Get underneath, to the important things that are driving the ebb and flow of life. Share the things that are behind your sadness, joy and struggle. Pledge to hold your friend's story in confidence. Pray together. These are the things that foster friendships.

6. Move beyond your current circle of friends and engage with people who are not like you - at all. Pick out that person in the neighborhood, at work or at church that you have literally nothing in common with, and befriend them. Spend time listening to their ideas. Learn about their journey and learn from their journey. Don't try to convince them to see everything exactly like you see it. This can be risky. It will likely push you to the edge, which is where growth can happen.

Your presence, as an image bearer of God, carries weight. God has made us for connection. As Christians we want to bring the issues of life into the light with trusted friends, bearing each other's burdens, pointing one another to the cross where we find hope, healing and ultimate relationship.

I would commend to you the book, Befriend: Create Belonging in an age of Judgment, Isolation, and Fear.

Living in isolation, disconnected from others, often brings the illusion of peace. But disconnection is destructive and leaves us hollow. So, turn off your device and go develop some authentic connections. It may not change the latest news cycle, but it will change you.