The Dark Side of Truth

A new film was just released that tells a provocative story. Even though it is a fictional account, it could be true. Based on the experiences of my own family, while the names and faces are different, the events are very familiar.

Back Fork is thoroughly connected to my home state of West Virginia. It was filmed there. It was written, directed and produced by people with strong roots in the Mountain State. Two of the producers, Bob and Jeff Tinnell, are my friends and I'm extremely proud of the hard work they put into this project.

West Virginia is a beautiful place and the film does a wonderful job of capturing some of that gorgeous scenery. West Virginia is also a broken place and that is clear in this movie. Over the last dozen years WV has been ravaged by addiction and death directly related to substance abuse. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse: "In 2017, there were 833 drug overdose deaths involving opioids in West Virginia - a rate of 49.6 deaths per 100,000 persons. This is double the rate in 2010 and threefold higher than the national rate of 14.6 deaths per 100,000 persons." These statistics place WV at the top of the list for drug overdose deaths in our nation. For obvious reasons people have used words like "crisis" and "epidemic" to describe this issue. But sadly, the problem seems to fade into the background like so much white noise. Enter Back Fork.

This movie is raw and graphic and poignant. At times, it is disturbing. The dark side of the truth is often disturbing, which is why we like to keep it in the dark. However, I believe it is time our nation was disturbed by this issue. These hard things, these tragic things, they need to be seen for what they are and the gravity of this issue needs to be felt. Back Fork brings all of this weight and leaves very little to the imagination.

I realize that some of my readers are conservative Christians. To be honest, this movie might be offensive to you. If you are accustomed to a pleasant, "sanitized" environment, you may not appreciate this film. But, if you are willing to risk being offended (which isn't always a bad thing) you may actually see something that will help you. Help you to see the unvarnished pain that is sometimes masked by religion and is rarely talked about openly or acknowledged in the church.

It is this pain, brokenness and addiction (that we all have) that can be healed through knowing Jesus. And while that particular hope is absent from the movie, the truth is, it is also absent in much of our world. And although some Christians know about this sort of hopelessness in theory, we rarely see it graphically depicted because we have cloistered ourselves too far away from the pain of our world. Furthermore, at times Christians fail to see that they too struggle with addictions (judgment, people pleasing, food, exercise, being right), ways we seek validation or comfort to mask our pain. Maybe these are not fatal, but they can be addictions just the same. Back Fork portrays the mess and struggle that is real. Sometimes we need to stare that mess in the face to be reminded of the magnitude of God's amazing grace - the powerful light that pierced this dark world, offering genuine hope, freedom and redemption.

Back Fork was hard for me to watch for several reasons. Mainly because it hit very close to home. For those willing to press into the dark and difficult, you might want to watch this film. Its currently available on Amazon Prime Video and few other streaming platforms.

The Ripple Effect

On Saturday, August 25 I will participate in a conference dealing with the opioid crisis and addiction. The event, which is hosted by the KY Baptist Convention, is aimed at encouraging individuals impacted by this crisis and equipping those who want to more effectively engage this issue. We are hopeful that many will attend and leave with a better understanding of the struggle, as well as a grasp on possible solutions.

As a pastor, and proponent of the gospel, I am thoroughly convinced that there is hope for those struggling with addiction. It comes, by God's grace, through faith in Jesus Christ. And while the gospel is the ultimate solution for all the brokenness of our world, including that which comes with addiction, the impact of the opioid crisis is multifaceted. It is complicated and there has been a tremendous ripple effect in our communities.

Consider the following peripheral aspects of this epidemic:

* Children of those struggling with addiction are always wounded emotionally and sometimes suffer physical abuse. Not to mention the babies who are born addicted and those left to grow up without parents that have died from drug overdose. Grandparents and others often step in to assist. Schools are filled with children struggling to learn, even as they are dealing with trauma and stigma associated with drug use in their homes. Teachers and guidance counselors are on the front lines of this tragedy. It is bound to take a toll on them as well.

* Our healthcare system is stretched to the limits. The physical fallout that comes from drug abuse is significant. Hospitals and doctor's offices see the lasting effects of this crisis. Not to mention the chronic health issues that are sometimes associated with sharing needles. Plus, there are a growing number of overdose victims that enter hospitals daily. This has a tremendous impact on the first responders who are dealing with dozens of overdoses every week. All of these factors affect not only those using drugs, but those caring for them and the systems in place to provide aid and support. We must care for those who are hurting and improve these systems that are currently overwhelmed.

* There are some with legitimate health concerns that find themselves caught in the crossfire. Dozens of clinics and physicians erred in dispensing and prescribing prescription opioids. The crisis spiraled out of control. Many became addicted. Pain clinics have been shut down, often for good reason. However, there are still individuals trying to manage actual pain. Pharmacists and physicians are trying to navigate this crisis with wisdom and serve their patients.

* Some (not all) struggling with addiction turn to crime. Although some of this crime is nonviolent, the impact is felt by family members as well as complete strangers who become victims. Add to this the terrible violence that is nearly always associated with those who are selling drugs. Shootings and gang activity are prevalent especially in areas where drugs are being bought and sold. Any veteran police officer will testify to how all of these things has increased their caseload over the last ten years. It has become a cliché already, but it still holds true, "we can not arrest our way out of this crisis." Still, law enforcement officers are among those on the streets daily trying to help combat this epidemic.

* While it is difficult to quantify, the job market is certainly negatively impacted by drug abuse. Some employers will have difficulty finding workers who can pass a drug test and have the capacity to function in the workplace. Companies in this situation find it harder to compete, let alone thrive and grow. Those dealing with addiction issues have a harder time finding and keeping a job. It is a vicious cycle for both parties. Difficult economic times, poor decisions by some, many others feeling the impact.

There is no single solution to make the mess go away. When someone who has struggled with substance abuse is transformed by the gospel, that is reason to rejoice! And praise God this is happening in churches, treatment centers and recovery groups over and over again. However, there are layers of complication and tragedy that will not go away overnight. This is a big issue that will take much time, urgent prayer and risky love if we hope to see it diminished. We must not lose sight of the fact that those battling addiction are human beings, made in the image of God, valuable to him and worthy of our compassion.

Just as there is a ripple effect from destructive actions, there is a ripple effect from gracious actions. While some are "cursing the darkness" caused by this epidemic, others are lighting candles and pressing into that darkness. The skeptic may say, "I didn't cause this mess, I'm not going to clean it up." That attitude is self-centered and short-sighted. A community effort is necessary if a community is going to experience recovery.

Recovery is possible. There is hope. What will you do to engage this issue and cause a ripple effect of God's love and grace?

Hope for My Hometown

St. Albans, WV is situated at the confluence of the Kanawha and Coal Rivers.

(awesome photo by Joey Puterbaugh)

Several years ago I started a Facebook group page for my hometown, St. Albans, WV. I did it on a whim and invited all my high school friends to join. Within a couple of weeks the group had 200 members. I was shocked. Today there are over 9,500 members and counting. That's nearly as large as the current population of the town. The group page is a place to share memories and catch up on local events. A significant portion of the membership no longer live there. Like me, they want to remain connected to the place that still has a piece of their heart.

The group page is often a source of angst for me, and I suspect it is for many of the group members as well. The fond and pleasant memories are occasionally interrupted by present day turmoil. Tempers flare, divergent opinions are expressed, harsh words are used...all from behind an electronic device and little good is accomplished.

You see, drugs and crime have become part of everyday life in my hometown (like many in our country). At times these things seem to overshadow everything else. Its bad and people are dying. The drug epidemic has impacted me personally. However, I'm certain the solution is not ranting on a social media page.

Many who are caught in the terrible cycle of addiction don't believe there is another way to live. They are physically enslaved by the toxins and emotionally overwhelmed by a series of bad choices. Add to that the stigma and shame heaped upon them by others, who scratch their heads in dismay at so much tragic mess. On a practical level there is no quick fix or simple solution. Government and law enforcement can assist, but they do not hold the ultimate remedy. Treatment facilities, community support groups and early intervention can also play a helpful role. But, it is a messy and complicated situation that brings pain and leaves many suffering.

Hope, healing and freedom are possible. Ultimately these are found in God's love, that was demonstrated in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. Furthermore, if and when the people who claim to know Jesus will risk graciously extending that love, to those who are struggling, perhaps a visible impact will be made. One life at a time. In one small hometown at a time.

P.S. There are good things happening in My Hometown like this, this and this, as well as more I don't have time to mention.

Grief, One Year Later

It has been a year since our family experienced a life-changing loss. My 28 year old daughter, Chasity, died from a heroin overdose on January 28, 2017. The opioid epidemic brought with it this reoccurring nightmare for tens of thousands of families in our country. Over 42,000 Americans died from drug overdose in 2016. The official numbers for last year are not available yet, but everyone knows they are not trending down. This is tragic, heart wrenching and sickening.

My daughter's death, as well as her struggle with drug addiction, has given me a different lens through which I can view others. My propensity to criticize and evaluate is being nudged out of the way by compassion. The "log in my eye" is not completely gone, but I feel differently about the speck in your eye. I have addictions too, ones that are not likely to cause my sudden death, but still they reveal my desperate need to rest in the love and grace of God. Perhaps more honesty about this sort of thing would be helpful in our culture, in our congregations. I believe many American churches have a long way to go before drug addicts feel safe entering the building without condescending glances. Will they hear a gospel shared with authentic love, untainted by judgement? I hope my church is moving in that direction.

One year removed from the shock and pain of overdose death in my immediate family, I'm not completely sure how I'm supposed to be feeling, what I'm supposed to be doing. Before you jump to conclusions (like I often do), let me clarify. I am aware that there is no "right" way to grieve. But I still can't help but sense that I've missed something and I should be ______ (fill in the blank). A wise and dear friend told me it is never helpful to "should" on yourself or others. Still, I'm wondering about this difficult process. It is a process.

After the death of a loved one I have heard others say, "I think about them every day." Well, the plain truth is, some days pass and I don't think about Chasity. I want to be okay with that. The loss doesn't change because it is not front and center in my thinking. My love for her is not diminished. Day by day, moment by moment I have been living my life for the past year, in the shadow that has been cast by her death. I have laughed. I have cried. I have struggled. I have trusted. I have loved. I have been angry. I have been sad. I have been ashamed. I have talked. I have been silent. I have preached. I have whined. I am human. Life does indeed go on, until it doesn't.

The death of my oldest daughter has caused me to look at my other two daughters differently. I occasionally feel fearful around the thought that I will lose them too. I'm not sure they realize, but I have tried to hug them more. I suspect that many parents have a fear of losing a child. Prior to Chasity's death I also had that fear, but it was more theoretical. Experiencing reality has a way of raising awareness and bringing truth into perspective.

This life is short. We will experience loss. There is not really a way to fully prepare for walking that particular road. The presence of trusted friends and family have aided me. My faith and hope in Christ has been extremely helpful. But with humanity comes a frailty that impacts even God-given faith. Although mixed with fear and doubt at times, my faith is still present and powerful. We must live with this delicate tension, embracing our humanity as well as the Divine.

I can not go back. I can not undo or unsay anything. I have no idea what will come across my path tomorrow. I only have this moment, to live and love and also at times to grieve. Although during the last year our family has experienced pain and loss, there is much for which I am thankful. It is a very helpful thing to consider grief, and at the same time, gratitude. That is a place where I am certain we will also discover the boundless reservoir of God's grace.

[For those interested, I wrote about these circumstances and their impact last year here and here.]

Lessons From the Broken Road

I started along a broken and bumpy road on January 28. Frankly, I knew this road was on the horizon but never wanted to travel there. It came with a phone call. The voice was calm but the words came like an avalanche, throwing me into a state of shock and despair. My oldest daughter was dead. Her struggle with drug addiction, that had robbed her of so much, had taken her life.The news took my breath away.

There is not enough space here to share everything. But this will be an attempt to share a few things that have been prominent, things I have become aware of, lessons I am learning about myself, about life and loss.

Not Words, but Presence
It has been interesting to talk with friends and family and to hear how we express ourselves when death comes. Words fail. Some try to force words, attempting to manufacture something that will fix the mess or aid the one hurting. Sometimes there are religious platitudes. These words are well intended I know. They rarely help. What is helpful is simply being present. The strength and embrace of another individual, made in the image of God, reflecting His power and love. Talking is fine and I've done much of that too. But the strongest support has come from presence.  I'm a pastor and so I've been on the other side of death. I realize more than ever that being willing to just be with others in their pain is enough. God can use this greatly.

Love is Active and Varied
What our family experienced from dozens, perhaps hundreds of people, was nothing short of remarkable. I lost track of the number of texts, calls, emails, Facebook messages and hugs...big, wonderful hugs joined with tears.  There was food, from unexpected places. Cards filled with heartfelt words of kindness. We received beautiful flowers and plants that will continue to remind us of this outpouring of human compassion. Jesus explained that the "greatest commandment" is to love God completely and to love others selflessly. I've seen that kind of love in action. Honestly, it is that sort of others-centered love that is missing from many parts of the American experience, even in churches. If Christians hope to see our world transformed it will begin with an active, purposeful love. It is the gospel in action and it is has power. I'm not saying the gospel itself is not vitally important. However, authentic love provides the foundation for the gospel to be received. Moreover, it is through loving one another that we demonstrate that we truly are followers of Jesus. At least, that's what He said.

God Works in the Mess
Space on this page limits my ability to fully explain how we have witnessed God at work. Pieces fell into place so that we could travel unhindered to be with family at just the right time. Resources came together from a variety of people to provide for unexpected expenses. Hundreds of people came to the visitation and many stayed 2 hours until the memorial service started. Many who stayed would not likely be compelled to attend a regular church service. They heard the hope-filled message of forgiveness and grace found in Christ. Dozens more who could not attend have watched the service on video. I was enabled by God to stand and preach, from a place of strength and love, to share my heart as well as the gospel. Only eternity will tell of the impact of these events. It was clear to me that God was indeed guiding every aspect of these events.

Addiction is All Around Us
I've seen the ugly face of drug and alcohol addiction. Many of us have. Its sad and often painfully obvious. We can not be silent about these things. Bringing them into the light and under the influence of the gospel is where healing and transformation will take place. Christians must be willing to embrace those who are struggling with addiction with compassion and not condemnation. However, we must also recognize that addiction is all around us and within each and every one of us. Addiction is the desire of our hearts to cling to, rely on, flee to, find satisfaction in anything other than God. Sadly many of us have addictions that are not viewed as ugly and are even encouraged. Addiction can take the form of approval seeking, perfectionism, people pleasing, peace making, achievement and the list goes on. When we embrace these things as a means to satisfaction, affirmation and ultimate joy, they are just like drugs. We are a broken people, all of us. Some are unaware, while others are fighting to keep these things in the dark. It is in the light of God's grace, within safe and loving community, that we will find freedom from all of our addictions. [You can find good and helpful insights about this here.]

Grief is Odd and Unpredictable
In the back of my mind I realize that grief is a process that takes time.  I will not get past this in two weeks. However, I want it to be over and done, neat and tidy. That's not how it works. Even though we all know about it, death takes us by surprise when it comes to our door. There is no "right way" to navigate this road. My experience is unique to me. But I am not alone. There is great comfort and strength in having others supporting me on this journey. I don't know exactly where this road will lead me. But I am confident that God doesn't waste anything. He is with me and He is for me. He is using this hard and painful experience to shape me.

If it were up to me, I would choose a different way. But I'm not God. I'm not in control. So I will trust Him to guide my steps as He continues to teach me.

UPDATE: An expanded version of this post appeared on The Gospel Coalition, here.
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