Anchored and Secure

When I pay attention to my reactions to others, I can learn something. It happens in actual, personal conversations, but also on social media. Something is said, something is posted, or something is done, and I want to react or respond.

There are times when I feel as if I need to prove myself. Sometimes I respond in order to promote myself (or my opinion or my way of thinking). Other times I want to defend myself, as if I am being attacked or my "tribe" is being threatened.

These three responses are seldom the overflow of love, grace, compassion, wisdom, or humility. Often they are driven by shame or fear. When I want to offer a forceful response I am often concerned with being right, being strong, or looking good. Heaven forbid others view me as weak, or incapable, or deficient in any way.

Here are two helpful verses from Scripture. If I keep them in front of me during tense interactions they may save me from hurting others or acting inappropriately.

"This I know, that God is for me." (Psalm 56:9)

"If God is for us who can be against us." (Romans 8:31)

In Christ, I am totally anchored and secure. I already have all that I need. Ultimately, there is nothing for me to prove, nothing to promote, and nothing to defend. When I stand firmly in that place, where I know that I am safe and loved by God, I am able to love others and respond wisely. It is a place of peace and strength.

I am not saying we should never respond or reply. However, when I examine my motives first, I can be guided in how to respond in a helpful way. A vigorous response, aimed at putting someone else in their place, is often an indication that I may have work to do in my own heart.

Look at some of your recent interactions where you have reacted loudly, harshly, or strongly. Maybe there is something for you to learn. Regardless of what someone else says or does, in Christ you are always anchored and secure. Let that truth rest on your heart and guide your interactions.

Soulful Relationships

I've just finished reading The Relational Soul: Moving from False Self to Deep Connection. All I can say is, "Wow, everyone must read this book!" It is that good and helpful.

Here is a sampling of the deep delights in this work by Rich Plass and Jim Cofield:

"Our relational God heals our wounds, not simply by decree but by inviting us into a participatory life of communion with him."

"The good news of Jesus is not religious doctrine; it is not an idea; it is not a set of beliefs to be embraced. The good news is the loving presence of the Trinitarian God in the person of the eternal Son dwelling within us. We have life in him, not in our ideas about him."

"Our soul has terrain that is deeper than what we think. In this terrain of the soul there is knowledge of truth, love and mercy that is far more than mere information... The soul's deepest terrain is not experienced by more thinking or doing, but by means of solitude and silence."

If you long for better relationships with a spouse or friends, and feel blocked or stuck in those relationships, this book might be helpful. If you want to better understand how God has made us for relationships and why they can be hard, this book might be insightful. You can get a copy here.

Enjoy!

Need for Community

I'm currently reading The Relational Soul: Moving from False Self to Deep Connection. It is excellent and everyone should read it!

The chapter that focuses on "Community" explains the importance of living in community, connected with others, especially a faith/church community. Here's a few quotes from that chapter:

"The church of Christ is the actual expression of his presence in the world." ... "To live in a true-self way we must live in specific, particular, concrete relationships." ... "It is impossible to foster soulful relationships without a real commitment to a particular community of faith. We learn to love by loving real people. No one matures in the capacity to connect well if what we love is our idealized images of others or ourselves."

When I think of community I see a vision of people sitting around a big table, connecting deeply over a wonderful meal. Jesus invites us to the table. Not to sit alone, but to enjoy communion and community with him and others. Zach Williams has a song entitled "To The Table" that sort of paints this picture. Take a listen and ponder how you are doing relating to God and others within real community.

Destruction of Disconnection

I'm weary. I'm on overload from the current news cycle. Just when I thought it was safe to log onto "the Facebook" I get bombarded with stuff. I get sucked in and suddenly I'm irritated, unsettled and empty. I was just hoping to connect with my "friends."

An issue that is underneath so much of the mess that is filling up your news feed: Disconnection

Technology, which ironically provides the platform for this article, has "connected" us in some fascinating ways. At the same time, it has destroyed genuine, personal, face-to-face life. Various forms of media draw us into a world that is not actually ours.

We don't look into the faces of our friends in the same way we once did. We stare at screens and buy the illusion that we are truly engaging with others. We talk at one another electronically, instead of talking with one another empathetically. These devices are holding our relationships hostage and robbing us of joy.

What can we do? Rant more frequently on social media OR risk authentic connection with other human beings? I know what I need. I know what feeds my soul.

So here here are a few very simple suggestions:

1. Instead of texting someone, actually dial the phone and speak. I realize its still electronic, but you will hear the voice of a live person. Baby steps, right?!

2. When you go to the bank, post office or fast food place, avoid the drive through. Forsake convenience in favor of personal interaction. Take a moment to inquire about the individual on the other side of the counter, really listen to them and smile. Smiles are free!

3. Turn off the TV, walk across the street and visit with your neighbors. Check in to see how they are getting along. Sit on the porch. Ask about the kids or the grand kids. Make a plan to have them over for dinner or take in a local event together. Connect with the people who actually live closest to you. If you go with cookies or a cake, even better. Do this regularly.

4. Eat at least one meal each day with family or friends, around an actual table. While you are eating, talk about real life, your life, not the lives of people on TV you will never even meet. (But don't talk with your mouth full.) Share your stories, your joys and struggles. Laugh. Cry. Hug. Hugs are free too!

5. Make it a point to meet with others face to face weekly. Lunch or coffee, at the park or in your home. Be intentional about scheduling these in-person visits. It won't happen by accident. Don't talk about sports or the weather. Get underneath, to the important things that are driving the ebb and flow of life. Share the things that are behind your sadness, joy and struggle. Pledge to hold your friend's story in confidence. Pray together. These are the things that foster friendships.

6. Move beyond your current circle of friends and engage with people who are not like you - at all. Pick out that person in the neighborhood, at work or at church that you have literally nothing in common with, and befriend them. Spend time listening to their ideas. Learn about their journey and learn from their journey. Don't try to convince them to see everything exactly like you see it. This can be risky. It will likely push you to the edge, which is where growth can happen.

Your presence, as an image bearer of God, carries weight. God has made us for connection. As Christians we want to bring the issues of life into the light with trusted friends, bearing each other's burdens, pointing one another to the cross where we find hope, healing and ultimate relationship.

I would commend to you the book, Befriend: Create Belonging in an age of Judgment, Isolation, and Fear.

Living in isolation, disconnected from others, often brings the illusion of peace. But disconnection is destructive and leaves us hollow. So, turn off your device and go develop some authentic connections. It may not change the latest news cycle, but it will change you.

Working on the Broken Things

Several months ago the side view mirror on our car got broken. I didn't jump right in and get it fixed. The shattered mirror, and shoddy attempt to patch it up, was a constant reminder that the problem needed to be addressed.

Eventually my faithful wife ordered the replacement part online. But even after the part arrived, it stayed in the box for several weeks. I knew the broken mirror needed to be fixed but I put it off, hesitant to tackle the work. Was it going to be complicated? Did I have all the tools? It would require setting aside time. So for weeks (actually months and months) we drove around with a broken mirror. Honestly, it wasn't very safe. I needed to take action. Finally, last night I did. It did require effort and the proper tools. But it turns out, I had the tools I needed and was able to get it done in short order.

How is this like my life?

I am aware at times there are broken things, deeper or more subtle, that I chose to ignore, avoid or hide. They might have to do with relationships or wounds in my heart. Instead of taking action I brush them aside, sometimes imagining it will be hard, painful or messy to address the situation. Or believing a resolution is impossible. Sometimes, rather than engaging the issue I attempt to patch the brokenness. This usually creates more brokenness. The truth is these broken things, which can be messy, don't fix themselves and they don't just go away. They frequently get worse with time and contribute to a lack of safety in my life and the lives of those around me.

There is another truth: In Christ, I have all that I need to press into the broken things and work to repair them. It takes awareness, intentionality and willingness to risk. There is a hurtful impact for me and others if I leave things broken, if relationships are not reconciled. But there is great reward in stepping into the hard things, trusting God and His gracious provision. He can repair the brokenness and will meet me in the struggle.

Through the gospel of Jesus Christ I have been reconciled to God. He has fixed my spiritual brokenness, given me His righteousness and the power to live in freedom. However, this is still a broken world. I still make a mess of things at times. Which means there is always work to do, messes to be cleaned up, wounds to be healed. And by God's grace I hope to continue bringing these things into the light and working on the broken things.

[If you are looking for a resource on this topic, consider Relationships: A Mess Worth Making.]

Relationships, the Illusion of Connection and Christmas

God has made us for relationship. Humans thrive in good and healthy relationships.  The problem is, because we are all broken, these relationships are often messy - not so good, not so healthy. Therefore, relationships are work.  But its worth the work to cultivate authentic connections with others. This has always been true.

However, with modern technology comes modern challenges.  I spend more time "connecting" through electronic devices than via personal, face to face contact with others.  I send text messages, instead of speaking voice to voice over the telephone. I write emails with a computer, rather than personal letters that have my unique scribbles that those close to me recognize.  I have hundreds of friends that I observe and "connect" with over social media instead of over a cup of coffee.  All of this fosters isolation rather than connection. Have you experienced this illusion of connection that modern technology has created and we have fully embraced?

All of this electronic communication has given us the illusion of connection, when actually it has dulled and stifled genuine relationships.  Even as I am reading the posts of others, commenting on photos and "likeing" articles, I often come away with a growing emptiness.  Since all of these devices save us so much time we should have plenty of opportunity for a cup of coffee, a phone call or dinner around that table with our family.  It takes intentional effort to unplug the electronics and move toward others. I suspect those others in your life are longing for connection with you too.

What's more, when I spend time utilizing electronic devices I am drawn away from the deepest and most meaningful connection of all - the one with God.  (Its even possible for me to read the Word of God on an electronic device. I suppose that's better than not reading it at all.) Somehow all of this media, technology and progress has created an environment buzzing with activity. So much noise!  I think it would be wise for the people of God, the followers of Christ, to set aside the electronics and simply "be still!"  At least I think that would be wise for me. It is in the strengthening of this ultimate relationship with my Heavenly Father that I am enabled to better connect with those around me.

God could have communicated and connected with mankind through a multitude of ways. But He came to us in person.  Jesus came so that we can have a relationship with Him.  God is not a distant, unconcerned force.  He is a personal, loving God - engaged with His creation.  This is the story of Christmas. So in a very real sense, Christmas is about connection.

[I realize the irony of this post given it is communication via a blog and that I'm using an electronic devise and so are you. Shut your device down and go have a real conversation.]

.

Friends

"A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

Occasionally I look to see who is visiting this blog. I can only see those little red dots on the map (bottom, left). From the appearance of the map there are 'visitors' from all over the world. But most of these are actually not friends of mine. I suspect many of them are spammers, based on a few of the comments they try to sneak by me.

I also have a facebook profile. At last count I had 546 "friends." It makes me laugh. There are at least 30 on that list who are merely cyber acquaintances, friends of friends or some other very loose connection. Yet, they stay on the list. Perhaps the verse from Proverbs 18 should give me a hint that I have too many friends.

The Lord has blessed me with a number of very good friends. A few of them I communicate with regularly via email or telephone. Some I visit with in person and we talk long over hot coffee. It is a great encouragement to have those who pray for you often, offer godly counsel and words of encouragement. Friends will be honest with you and are willing to talk about the important issues of life. I know some of my friends stop by here 'Under the Steeple' and peruse my ramblings. I think of you at times when I am typing along, sharing my heart.

I know that some frown on the idea of calling Jesus our friend. That sort of talk, they say, weakens him. It brings him down to a trivial level and detracts from his atoning work as the God-man. However, I believe that my Savior, my Substitute, my Intercessor is also my dear Friend. He knows me like no other and in spite of it all, he still remains a faithful and trusted Friend. Certainly a bit different than the kid from my junior high days, but a friend nonetheless.

I hope this post will encourage you to reach out to a few old friends. Make an effort to reconnect with them, pray for them. Maybe you need to reach out so that you can share the gospel with them. Also, I want to challenge you to go deeper with those who are your trusted friends. Allow them into your life, to sharpen you and hold you accountable. And visit often with that one friend, who is closer than a brother.