Who Gives This Woman?

Two months ago I was asked that question: "Who gives this woman into the care of this man?" Of course I responded as I was supposed to respond, "Her mother and I" (with a little lump in my throat). And with that, a peck on her cheek and the rest of the ceremony, my daughter was married. It was a blessed and joyful day of celebration!

And it all went so fast: the walk down the aisle, the ceremony...but especially the last twenty two years! How is it possible that the little girl I rocked to sleep is now a married woman, a college graduate, working fulltime, paying bills and all of that? 

I'm extremely happy for her and her husband, who is a wonderful young man! They are both special people. They are well grounded and mature. They are quite suited to one another. I am joyful and excited for what the future holds for them as they begin this journey of marriage. But, as the reality of this starts to sink in, I am experiencing other emotions too. It is very quiet at our house. Her room is dark. Her chair at the dinner table is empty. Her car isn't parked in the driveway. We don't see her very often. There is a subtle layer of sadness connected to these things.

How is it possible to be joyful and sad at the same time?

My wife and I are heading into our 25th year of marriage. I know what marriage is like. All of it. While we have enjoyed a wonderful marriage, there have been hard times too. People are people, they come with all sorts of "junk" and are not always easy to live with. I realize my daughter will deal with her fair share of struggle. Something inside of me wants to protect her from it. So, amid the joy and sadness, there is also a bit of anxiousness for the inevitable difficult times the newlyweds will encounter. However, it is her life to live...and enjoy and hurt and grow.

Emotions, which are gifts from God, are curious things. They are not meant to be avoided or disregarded. All of our emotions, the hard and the pleasurable, are intended from our Creator to be felt and they can "be our teachers." Part of the process of feeling those emotions is expressing them with trusted others.  Moreover, we can ask ourselves why we are feeling these things and take time to consider some deeper things behind them. I've done that privately. With this blog post I am sharing openly with you too, along with this offering: Don't run from your emotions, feel them. Be inquisitive about the reasons behind them. Allow God to use them to teach you what He is like and what is in the depths of your own heart.

Love and Marriage

Generally we don't make a huge deal about Valentine's Day at our house. Except I love any excuse to eat chocolate. This week my lovely and talented wife and I participated in a panel discussion about love and marriage at my daughter's school. It was part of their chapel program for grades 7-12. It was fun. It also gave me hope.

There were three other couples on the panel, we were the oldest. I resonated with much of what others shared. So while my circumstances may be different, I'm not alone in dealing with the joys and struggles that come with marriage. Two broken people coming together, through thick and thin, better and worse, plenty and want. It's hard. It's good. It's messy. It's joyful. It's painful. I'm so thankful for the woman I married and every experience along the way. I definitely "out kicked my coverage!"

A couple hundred kids heard great insights today in chapel. They heard about the grace and love of God, that is reflected in marriage. They heard about God's design for sex. They heard about His forgiveness for those who stray from that design. They were challenged to use their voices to ask questions and set boundaries. This struck me because when I was their age I didn't really get these messages clearly. So I'm hopeful that a few were impacted by our discussion.

This experience was a great reminder for me of the beauty of marriage and the power of the gospel. It has caused me to want to fight for a stronger relationship with my wife. I want to model what a healthy marriage looks like for my daughters.

Below are the lyrics to a song about relationships, especially marriage. You can watch/listen here. Let me encourage you to press into the hard things, celebrate the joys and struggles and know that there is grace for all of it.

If We're Honest

Truth is harder than a lie
The dark seems safer than the light
And everyone has a heart that loves to hide
I'm a mess and so are you
We've built walls nobody can get through
Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do

Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're honest

Don't pretend to be something that you're not
Living life afraid of getting caught
There is freedom found when we lay our secrets down at the cross, at the cross

So bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're hones

It would change our lives
It would set us free
It's what we need to be

So bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're honest
If we're honest

Songwriters: FRANCESCA BATTISTELLI, JEFF PARDO, MOLLY E. REED

© Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., CAPITOL CHRISTIAN MUSIC GROUP

Thankful for my Wife

Fourteen years ago today I pledged my love and devotion to Lisa Kay Runion. So much has transpired in our lives since that day. Here is a brief glimpse:

We bought our first house on Tremont Street in South Charleston, WV in March of 1995. The following November, God stirred in my heart. I was forever changed and saved by His grace. Madison Olivia was born in 1996. I changed jobs twice while we were living in South Charleston. Lydia Grace was born in 2000. Lisa and I both lost our fathers to cancer. The Lord led us into His ministry and I began to wonder what all that meant. We picked up stakes and moved to Louisville on August 1, 2002 so I could study at Southern Seminary. Since coming to Louisville, Lisa has had 3 'career' changes, 4 if you count staying home with the girls for about 6 months (her personal favorite, and mine too). I was called as Pastor of FBC in Prospect on September 11, 2005 and graduated from Southern in December of 2006. In between all that we bought and sold a house moved twice while living here in Louisville.

Through all of this stuff, life has been a tremendous blessing. We have had much and little. We have laughed and cried. We have faced struggles and many joys. There is nothing comparable, in this life, to marriage. Kids are great, I love my three girls immensely. But my relationship to Lisa is so very special. She knows me, and still loves me. That is saying something.

I am so thankful for my wife!

Fireproof - A Movie for your Heart

My wife and I attended a preview showing of the new movie Fireproof. It was made by the same folks that produced The Flywheel and Facing the Giants. Actually, all three movies were produced as a ministry by a church in Georgia. The free screening here in Louisville was sponsored by The Family Foundation. The film will hit theaters nationwide in late September.

This is a movie that will stir you deeply. Its primary message is about love and marriage but, it is not just a movie for married couples. The leading character in the film, played well by Kirk Cameron, is a fireman in a marriage that is being torn apart by self indulgence, pride and stubbornness. These are tendencies we all must battle from time to time. Furthermore, we all have relationships that suffer when we fall into these traps.

The film is honest about sin and its consequences as well as forgiveness and the hope found in Jesus Christ. The gospel is clearly presented in a way that will move your heart. I laughed out loud on several occasions and I cried more than once.

I will be very surprised if the mainstream media even blinks at this movie. However, if Christians get behind this project I will not be surprised if it doesn't do very respectable at the box office. (btw Facing the Giants made $10 million with only $100,000 production budget) Let me encourage you to view the trailer and share this information with others. If you are a pastor you should promote this film to your congregation. We seldom have an opportunity to support a movie that gets nationwide exposure and has such a solid message. Marriage is under attack in our culture and often viewed as a useless and antiquated institution. Anyone that sees this film will never think that way again.